Welcome Home

Finally. We closed on our house on June 29th. It was the last day we still could without going through all of the lending hoops again. The only surprise was our rate was actually lower than we had thought! This was the first time throughout the whole process that a change has been to our advantage. Praise the Lord. We didn't have to move again. I truly feel now that this was His plan. Perhaps I just needed the lesson in patience.

So now, we save up to do those custom things we had been putting off. Window treatments, paint, sprinkler system, patio, fence. Lots to save up for! But all things we plan to enjoy for many years to come.

Great things will happen here. Our neighbors are fantastic. And even better, we're still close with our former neighbors so nothing has been lost there! Gwen seems to like it here. It finally feels like home.

Our first celebration in this house came just the day after closing. Gwen's belated birthday party, celebrated alongside Andy's (Gwen's was 5/28 - Andy's was 6/27). It was the house-warming party we had hoped for as well.

Today, I pray for continued blessings in our new home.

Hope

My apologies for writing so much about my infertility woes... As I was writing to a friend just a few minutes ago, I realize that I tend to blog when I'm in the dumps. I need to do a better job of running to the computer when I am joyful! Which is what brings me here tonight, thankfully.

I am impatient. I pray a LOT for another baby. I worry. I get sad, very sad. But more and more, I am filled with hope. A funny thing happened the other day. We met a few of our neighbors just a few houses down. Kids were running around, riding bikes, playing in the water. There were two mothers outside sitting on lawn chairs in the driveway watching it all. We introduced ourselves. They pointed out which kids were theirs.

One gal was obviously pregnant. Andy asked, "When's the big day?" Her response: "July 18."

My heart skipped a beat. That would have been my due date. Exactly. When I found out I was expecting, I made Andy a card. It was my way of telling him the news. I told him it was just another design I had been working on for someone. He reluctantly acted interested. This is what he read:

Notice the date.

Instead of feeling sick and depressed, I felt joy. Even though I just met these people, I have no idea what their religion is, I blurted out that her due date would have been mine as well. I felt that it was a bit uncomfortable but didn't care. I continued, "It's ok. God brought me to you so that I could hold your baby." I thought, how great it will be to see him/her grow up. I didn't look at it from my usual pessimistic perspective. No, it won't be a constant reminder of what I could have had. This is how God intended it. I'm excited for her, for their family.

I continue to pray. We'll continue to try. But today, I pray and thank God for the joy and peace... and hope... that He has given to me.

Waiting... kinda patiently

Those who know me best would not likely describe me as patient. This is quite possibly why God continues to place me in situations where waiting is all I can do. Right now is a particularly trying time in my life.

I had hoped by now to be able to write that we have closed and are settled in our new home. This is not yet the case. But I'm trying to be patient until it is. We think closing should happen around the end of the month.

God's second challenge for me right now: when gigi was six months old, we began trying for another. A year and a half later, still trying. Did two tiny little tests at the Center for Reproductive Medicine - a place I spent a lot of time at years ago. Two tiny tests have cost me $1100. That's not medicine. That's not inseminations. That is one blood test and one HSG (dye) test. Either prices have sky-rocketed or my memory did not serve me correctly.

So the Lord asks me to be patient. I hear it screaming at me from Psalm 27:14. "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

I'm trying. But the new house is a constant reminder. Every tour we give of each room is a reminder that our plans are only temporary. When I get pregnant again, my now-studio room will be converted to nursery. The now-exercise room will then be the studio/exercise room. I envision it. Should I? Or should I accept that those rooms are what they are... and will remain that way?

Nope. I refuse to lose hope. The baby stuff now in storage will be brought out again. Adoption is still a possibility. Or a life with just the three of us wouldn't be so bad either! I just wish my heart would stop fluttering every time I think of adding to our family. I wish it wouldn't ache every time I get another 'negative.' I wish I could see other women's bellies and families grow and not wonder why they deserve it more than me.

Lord, help me be thankful. Lord, help me to not want! Let me focus on the incredible blessings you have given us - Gwen is everything I prayed for and more.

On this Father's Day, I pray for patience.

New Kids on the Block

So... we're all moved in. Finally got a chance to stop unpacking and cleaning long enough to spend some quality time with my computer. I wish I could say everything has moved smoothly through the transition, but it definitely has had its bumps.

First, one day before we started moving our things to the new home, we find out that it is a foreclosure situation and the bank will likely not let us close on the day/time we had settled on. It was the first we had heard about a foreclosure. We did go ahead with the move and sold our home as scheduled. That was about a week ago now. Currently, we are living in a home we don't own just waiting for the bank to give the ok to move forward with the transaction. I believe it is now in a short-sale process, which I hope means that it will eventually be our home but nothing is guaranteed until the last paper is signed. Every box we unpack, every purchase we make, we wonder. Will it just go back into the box? It's hard to really settle in, to meet the neighbors, to put our personal touches throughout - until it is home.

We painted only one room, Gwen's. She seems to really like it here. We put her in the room on the front of the house. The only down-side to that so far is that all of the neighborhood kids love to play... and scream... past her bedtime. So that will take some getting used to. But it's a good problem to have. Hearing kids screaming and laughing outside means that there are lots of potential life-long friends out there for Gwen. I'm looking forward to seeing her in the mix.

But hearing the new neighbors outside make me miss our old neighbors. I miss going outside and seeing familiar faces, seeing our friends. These folks all seem nice but they're still strangers. I'm not an outgoing person. I take a long time to get comfortable with new people.

I hope to post soon that closing is done, that the house is our own, that we have made new friends in our new neighborhood. I pray I will get that opportunity. Things will settle down soon and we will go wherever God leads us. We will accept whatever challenges He gives us. I have faith ♥

Moving Along...

So far, so good. Things are moving right along (pun intended). All papers are signed and now we're just waiting on appraisals to prove that we haven't asked to borrow to much. Closing day is scheduled for June 4th, a Monday. Hopefully we can get into our new house by Friday prior to start painting and cleaning.

It's a very exciting time. It's a very stressful time. It's been an emotional roller coaster for me. Most obvious reason being I don't much enjoy spending money and moving requires a lot. And it's sad to leave a home we love so much, we love it still. It's just not the right school district for Gwen. We're getting into the Maize district while the rates are low - we knew the day would come. I guess I didn't completely realize it was happening so fast. The house was on the market for over a year just last year. So to sell in four days was quite a shock.

This house has been home for almost six years - Andy and I have not stayed in one home anywhere near that long since we lived with our parents! Many wonderful memories were made here. Lots of family gatherings, time with friends. Some of those we loved and spent time with in this house are no longer with us - Andy's father, my grandpa, our friend Dan. We celebrated holidays here, and birthdays. We have laughed a lot. We have cried. This was the home we told potential birth mothers about, showed them where the baby's room would be. This is the home where I later was blessed to watch my belly grow, where we made a room for our precious little girl. We have watched her grow in this house. We played in that backyard. We gave her her first taste of rice cereal in that kitchen. My grandpa held her for the first time here, on that front walkway. And just the other day, I took her picture as she ran through that yard. Soon, this will be someone else's home. And yes, we'll have a new one to call home but I'll miss the memories made here. I know by the time we're ready to leave the next one, I'll have a much longer list of things I will miss about it. But right now, it's a place I don't know. It's exciting, but a little frightening.

Losing It

Stepping on the scale recently isn't such a daunting task anymore! I no longer cringe before the number pops up, nervous to see how much higher it is than the last time I checked. I have days where it is up a bit, but those days don't get me down because more often than not, my weigh in's leaving me feeling pretty good about myself! About a month or so ago, Andy and I went to a birthday party for a friend of ours. He looked fantastic having recently lost over 40 pounds! He and his wife both looked great and told us about the free app they were using that helped them with their accomplishments. So Andy and I decided to download it and get started. So far, I have lost almost 8 pounds and Andy has lost closer to 15. I can't even say it's a diet for us because we haven't really changed what we eat, we only now pay attention and log the number of calories we consume in the day.

Between the app, MyFitnessPal, and the healthy chocolate that I try to eat a few times a day, things are looking good! I am surprised though, how far I feel I still need to go after losing 8. I thought that was pretty close to where I wanted to be. But I have some serious toning to do if I want to get to where I'm ready for bathing suit season.

I feel this is a blessing in more ways than one. Obviously, getting the extra weight off and watching my calorie intake is helping me to be more healthy. But doing this diet with Andy and tracking it all so closely is also a wonderful distraction to other stresses in my life right now, such as infertility woes and the whole moving thing.

I'm looking forward to getting to my goal weight! Moving furniture and carrying boxes into our new home will probably help me get there sooner, too!

Twinkle Twinkle

My goodness, it has been a long time since I posted to this blog. Curious if anyone has noticed... But nonetheless, I felt it was about time! A lot is going on right now. Yesterday was the first official day of our home being back on the market - very exciting... We are very impressed with our new realtor and very much enjoyed working with the stager. She gave us a LOT of work to do but we are tremendously pleased with the results and hope it helps our home sell quickly. Not sure where exactly we'll go yet, but we plan to start searching this weekend for our new abode.

Recently also started going back to the Center for Reproductive Medicine. Have had a consultation with the doctor, a sonogram, some blood work, and another HSG (dye test). So far, all is normal. One more mega blood test to do once insurance gives the ok, then another meeting with the doctor to go over everything. Praying, praying for another pregnancy. Praying it sticks, praying I carry a healthy baby full term. Praying.

In the meantime, I have begun planning the celebration of my baby girl's SECOND birthday. Time has flown, but she will always be my baby. New words every day. New dance moves. New ways of making me laugh. She is my little miracle, my darling gigi. I tried to choose a theme that would be fun, easy, and one that would mean something to her. She absolutely loves stars so the theme is Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I plan to have stars everywhere, white, silver, glitter. So far I have only managed to create and send the invitations - a great start, but I have a lot more to do! And I have to do it without making a mess so that the house stays nice for showings, not always easy to do.

The design:

She is such a fun little model! I made the headband (glittery foam board and elastic). I hung our white shower curtain in front of the sliding glass door to the deck and hung a cardboard star, added effects in PhotoShop. The final product... I'm very happy with how it turned out.  I'm hoping that I can blow up the one where I added the swirl effect to have hanging up at the party.

I welcome any ideas for star party decor. If you have done this theme before and have any craft ideas, please let me know! And just as a reminder - I do design on the side. If you have an event coming up, birthday / graduation / baby, whatever, let me know if you need anything designed. I'd LOVE to help out. See my design blog at robinjdesign.blogspot.com.