My apologies for writing so much about my infertility woes... As I was writing to a friend just a few minutes ago, I realize that I tend to blog when I'm in the dumps. I need to do a better job of running to the computer when I am joyful! Which is what brings me here tonight, thankfully.
I am impatient. I pray a LOT for another baby. I worry. I get sad, very sad. But more and more, I am filled with hope. A funny thing happened the other day. We met a few of our neighbors just a few houses down. Kids were running around, riding bikes, playing in the water. There were two mothers outside sitting on lawn chairs in the driveway watching it all. We introduced ourselves. They pointed out which kids were theirs.
One gal was obviously pregnant. Andy asked, "When's the big day?" Her response: "July 18."
My heart skipped a beat. That would have been my due date. Exactly. When I found out I was expecting, I made Andy a card. It was my way of telling him the news. I told him it was just another design I had been working on for someone. He reluctantly acted interested. This is what he read:
Notice the date.
Instead of feeling sick and depressed, I felt joy. Even though I just met these people, I have no idea what their religion is, I blurted out that her due date would have been mine as well. I felt that it was a bit uncomfortable but didn't care. I continued, "It's ok. God brought me to you so that I could hold your baby." I thought, how great it will be to see him/her grow up. I didn't look at it from my usual pessimistic perspective. No, it won't be a constant reminder of what I could have had. This is how God intended it. I'm excited for her, for their family.
I continue to pray. We'll continue to try. But today, I pray and thank God for the joy and peace... and hope... that He has given to me.